e-Humor! Version 1.0, is a collection of jokes collected from the highly interactive Internet. People everywhere enjoy humor and today more than ever, need a good healthy laugh. After a hard day’s work, would you prefer a long drive home in bumper to bumper traffic or read a good selection of jokes? Be honest and no reading while driving! Read a few pages before leaving work to put you in a good mood!

This book represents a compilation of those things that make the Internet an interesting and a truly valuable national asset – the jokes that are passed around!

e-Humor!, Version 1.0, is the first book in my series of jokes acquired from the world’s largest public domain repository, the Internet. Humor is the best relief from day to day stress so enjoy the jokes and have a good laugh!

Joe Zajac was born and raised in "sunny" Syracuse, New York. Desiring to get away from the snow and learn the true meaning of "hurry up and wait," Joe enlisted in the Marine Corps to see the world. He has traveled extensively throughout Europe and continues to do so every few years.

Upon graduating with a degree in International Business from Florida Atlantic University, Joe began answering want ads that contained the word "computer" in the job description. His first position was landed because the hiring manager "liked his briefcase." The rest they say is history . . .

On his lighter side, Joe’s goal is to invent a new computer technology term that serves to confuse everyone and hopefully generate e-millions.

Joe currently resides in Florida, with his loving and lovely wife Pamela and his loyal and very talkative, attack Dachshund, Athena.

He is patiently waiting for an invitation from David Lettermen of the Late Show to meet his talkative attack Dachshund, Athena, so she can say "hellrow" to David.

While waiting to attain those goals, Joe plans to continue writing joke books for your enjoyment.

Undeniable Truths in Our Technological World # 1

• Al Gore did not invent the Internet.
• An Indian programmer always shakes his head to mean "Yes" and nods his head to mean "No."
• Anything called a "BETA RELEASE" is Greek for RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
• Anytime you are told something is "State of the Art," RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
• Anytime you are told the software "Is easily implementable," RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
• Anytime you are told the software is "Robust" or "Sexy," RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
• Anytime you hear about a "Vision," RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
• Ask ten consultants what the "e" in e-"you fill in the blank" means and you will receive ten different answers.
• Bill Gates of Microsoft WILL ALWAYS BE RICHER than Oracle’s Larry Ellison, and rightly so!
• Computer equipment salespeople lie for a living.
• Computer software salespeople lie for a living.
• Computer telecommunications salespeople lie for living.
• Consultants are only two weeks ahead of your learning curve on anything.
• Does anyone really care what HTTP means?
• e-Banking really means customer self service.
• e-Business really means self service.
• e-Commerce really means customer self service.
• e-Customer really means customer self service.
• e-Education really means customer self service.
• e-Humor is the only good use of the Internet.
• e-IEIO really means customer self service.
• e-Manufacturing really means customer self service.
• e-MyAss still means customer self service.
• e-Procurement really means customer self service.

Undeniable Truths in Our Technological World # 2

• Free software really means "We do not have people to conduct quality testing of our product so please tell us when you find any bugs."
• If you get "personal" with your "Personal Computer," please see a therapist.
• It is beneficial to learn some words in Hindi as the Indians are leading the world in offshore software development.
• Most technology start up companies will fail.
• Most technology start up companies hire executives who failed at other start up companies.
• Never purchase any software at Release 1.0., Release 2.0 or Release 3.0.
• Never purchase any software until the first "patch" (bug fixes) release comes out.
• Never allow your business to be a "test site" or a "beta site" for new hardware or software.
• No matter how fast or expensive the computer system, when Garbage Goes In, Garbage Comes Out.
• People at the other end of the telephone on the "Help line" really do not know more than you do.
• People still make the same mistakes today as they ten years ago only now the mistakes are processed faster.
• Software and hardware salespeople started their careers selling used cars.
• Software and hardware salespeople still seem better suited to selling used cars.
• Software companies purposely make new software more complex so that you have to upgrade your computer or purchase a new computer just to run their new software.
• There are no "standards" for any new technology, just get used to the new problems caused by the new and improved technology.
• Time to upgrade just so you can use a new printer or scanner with a USB connection.
• User Committees really mean the company producing the software has no clue on how to improve their product.
• User manuals are seldom user friendly.
• User manuals seem to be written overseas by people who have English as their third language.
• Whatever you buy, it will be obsolete in three months and the newer version will be cheaper.
• When in doubt, REBOOT! REBOOT! REBOOT!
• www spelled backwards is still www.