Reed Hunter
Picture a small, mixed group of people, chosen because of their interest in music, to attend an address by, of all things, an amazing inanimate object which has somehow, rather miraculously, acquired the ability to, not only communicate, but be articulate and glib too!
Preposterous? Don’t be too sure, especially when this "gift," is explained most plausibly, but not before you have taken a "whirly - gig" tour with some of the most colorful characters you will ever meet Anywhere!
Marvel over the "Mystique of Mutzi Goodik," - the Super Sexpert, laugh at the high jinks of the ‘Vann - Man,’ or the foils of "Oomah the Balloon - Girl" - as her bubble bursts, enjoy the "Ass - Capades" of Joey Val - alias Captain Thunder, or the crazy swashbuckling of Al Rodgers, as he defeats the evil Dragon-Butt, plus all the rest of this equally outrageous cast, as you climb aboard the "Moonlite Merry-Go-Round," for an inordinately "Happy Ride," amidst much laughter, a "passenger car" full of imagination, and a "Carnival - Load of Entertainment!"
Reed, inspired by modern jazz, became a competent saxophonist in his early years, but shied away from that profession because of the uncertain lifestyle it encouraged, choosing instead, a job with a more stable, major manufacturing company, as his primary source of income.
Little did he realize, that his exploits and adventures in his part time ‘Music World,’ would provide endless laughs and experiences, whereas the ‘Corporate End,’ which had posed no problems for years, suddenly afforded far less security than he could have even imagined!
Overcoming everything with an abundance of wit, imagination, whimsical word games, interspersed with occasional humorous sketches, the author playfully nudges the reader through his unorthodox story until one ‘mystery’ is solved, as ‘another begins’-- Pure unadulterated fun, practically begs for a sequel!
The Delay Factor
Before, we get into more details, it would be helpful to get some background information on my Good Friend, "Mutzi Goodik." Once again, well named since he worried more about his gadget than most anything in life! So, I guess, instead of being "Anal Oriented," he was more "Penis Motivated!" Additionally, he loved jazz and Latin music, studying from the best in the city, to improve his technique.
His main job was Sales, which needed no improvement whatsoever, with an outgoing personality, so captivating, he could have charmed "Godzilla - Mid - Roar!" It was easy to like this bespectacled, good looking, effervescent guy, who stood about 5 ft 8, had thick dark hair, a husky frame and constant smile!
Mutzi was also a voracious "Womanizer." His criteria for romance was quite simple. As long as the girl was pleasant and friendly, - size or color were not a part of the equation! Tall, short, fat, skinny, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, - All were beautiful to the Marvelous Mutzi!
Right about this time, he was experiencing a mild "Sex Crisis," which was affecting his self confidence in the most important area in his life - the "Boudoir!" His problem was premature ejaculation! Within seconds of a girl saying "Yes," - the excitement would get to Mutzi, culminating in "an early climax." Then, he and the girl would have to sit around until the "rocket" was "refueled," - which could literally take hours!
Searching for answers, Mutzi sought out a sex therapist, to "straighten out his problem, in more ways than one! The Doctor felt confident his problem could easily be solved and verbalized his thoughts.
"When you begin getting excited," he suggested, "start thinking about baseball players." Mutzi paused, "Perhaps you misunderstood, I am NOT GAY!" Grumbling, the Doctor answered, - "I don’t mean that! - think about their batting averages, who they play next, things lake that!" Mutzi confessed, - "I don’t follow baseball." Doctor, - "How about football?" Nope! Basketball? "Sorry, no!" Hockey, - Lacrosse, Soccer, Volleyball, Golf, Badminton, Ping-Pong, Marbles, -
ANYTHING? "Sorry again Doctor, nothing you mentioned!
Dr. Sex Speaks
After further testing, the Doctor offered a diagnostic conclusion. He told Mutzi, "the Solution to your premature solution is simple! You need a distraction before your interaction. In essence, a "Delusion Substitution" before your climatic infusion! Dam it boy, think about anything except those notorious "Birds & Bees!" For instance, think about work and all your deliveries, then, perhaps, make a more "timely delivery," - yourself!" It must have worked, since Mutzi never mentioned it again.
Wanted: Expert
Another episode he shared, he had a passive reaction in a situation designed for euphoric results. Trying to "dazzle a date," Mutzi was enthusiastically performing oral sex. With a technique, almost defying gravity, he did the equivalent of Double and Triple Lutzes with at least "one or two somersaults thrown in for good measure!" But he became somewhat annoyed, when she picked up the newspaper and began reading. Now challenged, he pursued with increased vigor! However, when she started reading the "Want - Ads - Out loud," - that did it! He would take his talents elsewhere! As his uncle said - "Never waste Scotch on a Skunk," - whatever that meant!
The Burning Bush
Wherever the source, Mutzi had just learned a "Secret Sex Tip!"- You rub a little dab of that mentholated gel stuff on the tip of your penis, - it will have a double effect, "numbing it," - so you can last longer, and surprising your partner with more "power in the package." Keep it a surprise," was the advice from his Sex Geru.
The timing could not have been better! Renting a motel room, Mutzi told his new girlfriend, he would be right back. Rubbing a "smidgen" on his bulging member, he noticed "instant numbness." By golly, it was working!
As he returned to the darkened bedroom they began lovemaking when his friend mentioned a "tingling sensation." "Oh boy," he thought, "this will be great!" They continued, but suddenly she stopped, "What on earth did you put on that goofy gadget of yours?" "My ‘bush’ feels like it’s ON FIRE!" Finding out, she made him INSTANTLY SCRUB ALL THAT CRAP OFF," before resuming!
After that, Mutzi promised to never again try any new "Sex Tips" on her! He made one interesting observation, however, - HIS FRIEND WAS NEVER AGAIN BOTHERED WITH HEAD COLDS! Being the consomant salesman, he wondered, "Should he relay this startling information to the Manufacturer?"
