This is for guys that can t get lucky, or have a hard time getting lucky. It s also for losers who don t wanna be losers anymore. This book is for those too underweight or too overweight to get laid. You can t believe how deliciously fine some women are, but you can t get lucky. This book is for you. By lucky I mean either get sex or have a meaningful relationship. Regardless, the idea is to meet a woman. What you do from there on is up to you. Some may find the contents of this book to be chauvinistic, but it is meant with respect and sometimes admiration towards women. It is well meaning even if at times it seems as if a pig literally wrote it.

In any event, these are only my opinions so take them for what they re worth. This material is not intended or claims to be for everyone. It s meant for those few guys that are just not good with the ladies. If this isn t for you, then give it to a friend in need. He will thank you. If you feel funny giving it to a friend, just do it anonymously. This information is meant to entertain you and to provide you a little help for improving yourself no matter where you stand now. If you get your act together, you may improve your chances of getting some girlie action. And if you re real lucky, you may even find L-O-V-E.

The truth is some guys are so incredibly pathetic that it s best that for the sake of mankind they don t mate and reproduce. I hope that s not you. If you re a nerd, twit, loser, vagina-challenged (politically correct term), or just recently divorced and out of practice, this book is for you. In this world, every guy is on his own and the ones who have it figured out are not about to pass any secrets on to you. Well, you need not wait any longer my dear friend. Here I am with this very basic IN YOUR FREAKIN FACE advice book. The information here is meant to amuse you and is highly opinionated so bear that in mind.

From a legal or scientific point of view my qualifications for writing this guide are zilch. Zero. None. I m no doctor. I have no Ph.D. But from a REAL life perspective I am highly qualified. I m just an average guy who likes to fuck as much as the next guy. I have been with hundreds of women. That s enough qualification, buddy. No, I m not Wilt Chamberlain s son! I m not any more special than anyone else. I just happen to be a little sharper, a little more aware. Now, I just want to pass on a little information to those who haven t been as fortunate as me. I wanna share the knowledge I have with those who don t have a caring buddy or a friend to give them some tips. Besides, wadayagot to loose but a few bucks? I guarantee you ll get your money s worth from this book. The least you ll get are a few chuckles. That s worth something. So please, just hear me out. Think of me as a friend whose trying to help you out. Armed with what you read here, at least some of you will get some lipstick on your dipstick. My advice could even increase your Frequent (censored) Mileage (FFM).

1. Don t go straight for the sex.

6. Stay in shape. You d be amazed how much working out can help you get babes. I realize that you don t need to exercise, but it sure helps. Women like masculinity and fat ain t masculine. The majority of women won t tell you how they d like a man to be built. They may say, "As long as he s a good man and has a good personality, it doesn t matter very much." Bull honky! They won t admit it to you if you asked them so they won t insult you and your shitty body. Sure, they ll go out with you anyway because they ve taken a liking to you. Sometimes they don t have much choice. It s either date you, or stay home eating Hagen Daz, watch a movie, read a book, and play with Mr.Happy (their vibrator). At any rate, given a choice, they d prefer a lean, hard, muscular body. If YOU were given a choice, what would you prefer? A soft, Jell-O, gooey body with a big fat cottage cheese lard ass or a firm, toned, shapely body? I tell you. It ain t that difficult once you start exercising. After the first couple of weeks you ll get into it. But remember. Whatever form of exercise you do, it MUST be fun! Otherwise you ll never stick to it.

The only way you can avoid exercise somewhat is if you have a lot of money. Most women will be very forgiving with your looks as long as you have a lot of money. The size of your belly can be proportional to the size of your wallet. Figuratively speaking, the bigger your wallet is, the bigger your belly is allowed to be. The publisher of Screw, magazine (the x-rated sex newspaper) Al Goldstein, is a great example of this phenomenon. He s a disgusting grotesque fat slob pig, but a very smart, successful, and wealthy one. Because of that, he gets tons of babes (whores but what the hell they re women). This is called the Fat to Cash ratio. So if you re a wealthy tycoon, you can skip this section. Otherwise, read on.

With exercise, not only do you improve your appearance and become more health conscious, but you also improve your self-confidence. And if you join a health club and go regularly, it s like fishing in an aquarium. The fish (women) are all there, all you have to do is put some bait on the line and one s bound to bite. Besides, the aquarium gets a constant supply of new fish on a regular basis. It couldn t be any better. Hey! You even get to see the merchandise in tight revealing clothes! Your window shopping is much more effective at a health club. Women may try, but if they have flaws they can hide in street clothes, by all means you ll see the real thing in the gym. And watch out for the big loose shirts and baggie pants. That only means one thing, there s a gross flab, cottage cheese bumps, or nasty varicose veins hiding beneath. You must remember though, that the fish won t bite unless you put the right kind of bait on the line and have the proper approach and plan of attack. Of course, you get lucky and get a pity fuck. If you don t know what a pity fuck is, that s when a woman takes a liking to you and even though you don t get her too excited, she ll have sex with you because she pities you and thinks you re safe for the night. (Pity fucks are rare and only happen as a one night stand, usually the woman is drunk, not coherent, upset, acting out, or avenging when they do this.)

It s kindalike , when it s almost closing time at the bar and you haven t found anyone you like. You drink a little more so the few dogs that are left (you re no prize yourself) start looking better and better. Then when you re almost totally trashed and too horny to go home alone, you pick up a chick you would never think of picking up cause she s ugly and fat. She agrees to go with you because you re the only one drunk enough to even think about talking to her. That s one form of a pity fuck. Come to think of it, I don t know who should be pitied more--- You or her?