Debi Wright
When the fire engine that my husband was on exploded, the blast shot his limp body twenty-five feet into the air. When he landed on his head, on concrete, our family's lives were changed forever. This traumatic brain injury (or TBI) went undiagnosed, as is the case after most car accidents, roadside bomb blasts in Iraq, extreme sport incidences, contact sport injuries, and "jackass" stunts.
It is vital for all spouses, families, teachers, coaches, emergency responders, clergy members, and the staff at the Veteran's Administration to be aware of the delayed onset of symptoms, and how to recognize those symptoms and receive early intervention. Most closed-head injuries can cause far more devastating permanent brain injuries than those found in most open-skull injuries. Common symptoms are memory loss, depression, seizures, changes in coping skills, and mood swings.
With the overwhelming statistics-more than 6 million car accidents with injury in the U.S. in 2005, nearly 3 million recreational sport-related injuries, and the underestimated count of 300,000 veterans coming from Iraq with TBI, Out of Your Mind affects each one of us nationally, as well as worldwide.
Out of Your Mind is the account of the emotional, educational, and inspiring thirteen years of our family's struggles with the elusive traumatic brain injury. Through impossible decisions, and moments when we all felt we had reached our lowest points, there are successes, setbacks, and triumphant survival.
This story is about the innermost emotions of this caregiver, and the mistakes made and lessons learned. The book also discusses imperative documentation, vital research, and techniques for maintaining sanity, and the importance of keeping your family safe and intact.
Awareness and early detection are aimed at preventing those with undiagnosed head injuries from succumbing to drug and alcohol addictions, overdoses, violence, school dropouts, divorce, and suicide.
Almost every person I have met since this accident in 1993, has asked me how I have survived this, and how and why I stayed, especially during the darkest times. There was absolutely NO decision to be made. I had been married to this man for twenty years at the time of the accident, and he was the man every woman dreams of. This accident was not his fault, and this generous, loving, compassionate, attentive, hysterically funny, devoted friend, husband, father and rescuer, was in life-threatening condition. I would not have been any where else. He would have done the same for me.
That is not to say that there were not any exhausting times, and desires to get away, but my love and commitment for him, never let that last more than a day. I know that I learned much of that strength and devotion from my mother, who cared for her totally paralyzed, invalid mother, in our home, alone, from my age of nine to twenty-six.
I am a Registerd Dental Hygienist, Emergency Medical Technician, and have always loved everything medical. So I did have an advantage with all of his medical issues.
I worked as a medical / legal researcher for several attorneys, and that time spent, was invaluable for the Worker's Compensation challenges, as well as the civil trial against the manufacturers of the engine that exploded.
I lived and documented every moment of these past thirteen years........... and this is that story.
Caregivers and loved ones have to help the patient utilize and work with his present AND past capabilities, in order to maximize his/her potential. If the caregiver is someone other than a close family member, then the family members need to give insight into the patient's likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, how they used to approach challenges, as well as how they approach them now, and any other pertinient information that will help the caregiver reach the patient most effectively.
If the caregiver is a family member, then that member needs to confer with other family members, to unite or agree on the way the patient handled all of the above. The reason they need to confer with other family members is to get some fresh perspective, some distance on the matter (as they are the ones in the grind, and maybe too exhausted, frustrated, or just too close to the matter). Then you will all be on the same page. But the primary family caregiver will have suggestions from others, an awareness that they can become too close and too frustrated (and that is OK............Just admit it,...........and do whatever you have to do to take care of yourself , as well), and that they have the backing and understanding of the rest of the family. The rest of the family will respect you for it, and understand completely. They do not want you going down with the ship,............or the ship may end up in their house!
Unfortunately, many family members are that selfish. But you must remember that if the caregiver (regardless of relationship to patient) is not at their best, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiriutally, they will not be doing the patient any good, and may cause the patient to feel guilt, shame, a burden, and helpless depression. And that is one of the worst things we can do to any human being: take away or destroy what hope that person may have. Hope is all that gets all of us through.
A head-injured person is not always thinking correctly or logically. The medications could be interfering with emotions or causing paranoia.
Always be honest with the brain-injured patient. Even if it seems harsh or potentially frightening, just being inside their head is more frightening than any of us could imagine. And a great deal, if not all of their thoughts make no sense to them, so being able to rely on the word of their caregiver is like being on the high wire, but with a net.
Once you have a foundation from which to work (meaning as much understanding of the patient's coping skills, then and now), then you can usually see the way to approach whatever subject you need to.
