Kay Long BSW, RSW
Most widows (and widowers) will experience a most traumatic period in the first year or two after they lose their spouse. The Widow's Walk: A survivor's handbook, gives helpful suggestions that will, (hopefully), ease some of the stress and strain for those who are newly widowed. Based on the author's own life experience, the book assures the reader that they are not losing their mind, they are only experiencing the normal patterns of grief. The book is an ideal gift for any new widow when you want to express your sympathy for the newly bereft, but cannot find the right words.
In 1997, Kay Long's husband of 27 years, died after a 9 month battle with cancer. Finding herself alone on a farm, living "3 miles from nowhere", in the large, log house they had built together, she was overwhelmed with grief. It took nearly a year of living through an emotional, downward spiral, before she decided what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. Within that year she moved to the City, sold the farm, and enrolled in university. At the age of 65 Kay received her Bachelor of Social Work degree and took a job as a counselor and group facilitator, working with women who were in crisis in their own lives. She currently writes a monthly column for a seniors' newspaper in Lethbridge, Alberta. This book,
The Widow's Walk: A survivor's handbook, evolved from her monthly column. Kay says, "Helping others by sharing my experience my life meaning and focus."
FOREWORD
“There’s no such thing as a happy ending to a real love story”
(Source unknown)
Hello to all my fellow travelers on the rocky path of life. Let me introduce myself, I am a widow and a writer. In my lifetime I have been many things to many people - wife, mother, daughter, friend, co-worker, fellow-student and so on. I think you get the picture. Just like most of you I’ve walked my life-path surrounded by those I care for and who, in turn, care for me.
But one of the most crucial turning points in my life happened when I joined the sisterhood of widows. Until I was a widow I had never lived alone, never gone about the normal business of living without someone to share the ups and downs. When my Husband died I suddenly found that I had not only lost the most important person in my life, I had lost my status as a wife and partner.
I was suddenly a woman alone and on her own. As so many of you have also discovered, that is not a comfortable feeling. I had envisioned “happily ever after”; instead I got “lonely, anxious and adrift”. Which is a most distressing state and at a time when I did not have the emotional or physical strength to cope with anything.
I have learned since then, that I am not alone. In Canada 84% of women will be without a partner at some time in their life. We tend to marry men who are older and statistics tell us that we outlive men by an average of seven years. Remarriage is always possible (my own mother has been widowed twice) but the older we are when we are widowed the less likely we are to find another husband. By age 80 there are 7 women to every 3 men in the general population. Not a good chance of grabbing the brass ring on the marriage merry-go-round a second time, is there?
The good news is that I am a survivor and I have discovered that I’m in very good company. While I have been adjusting to life without Husband I have met many happy widows with a real zest for living, women who have learned to cope with life on their own. They are my models and my mentors; I hope to follow the trail they have blazed through the tangled forest of widowhood.
Through this book I plan to share my journey on the rocky path of life with all of you and I hope that some of you will share your stories with me. In the pages that follow I will talk about my life experiences, past, present and future. I sincerely hope that you enjoy what I have to say and that you will find my suggestions helpful.
Not that I believe your experiences will duplicate mine, for grieving is a very individual process and everyone must grieve in their own way and within their own timeframe.
This handbook is merely a map – the journey of life is yours.
