Gay Eastoe
Gay Eastoe lives in Cumbria. She is married to Richard and has four children. Gay was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at the age of 48 years in 2002 after the onset of panic attacks. In 2005 she was diagnosed with Dyslexia and in 2006 Catatonic Deterioration in association with her autism. Despite struggling at school Gay has a B.Sc., a Ph.D., and a B.A. and is currently studying for two more degrees. Here Gay has used poetry as a tool to express in a short, concise and logical way some of her thoughts on various aspects of autism. Gay feels that it is important that people who are affected by autism write freely about their thoughts, feelings and coping strategies. Gay hopes that the poems will be thought provoking and further the understanding of autistic spectrum conditions.
Gay Eastoe was born on 30/10/53, the youngest of female twins and the fourth child of seven children. Her twin does not have Asperger Syndrome. She comes from an academic family, where educational success was important. Having “survived” school she went on to gain a B.Sc. in Geology (Leicester University); a Ph.D in Experimental Petrology (Sheffield University) and also a B.A. in science and maths courses (Open University). In 1980 she married Richard and they now have four children of school and university age. She was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at the age of 48 years after experiencing panic attacks. To get a “medical label” was a relief, because at last she could be herself! As well as being a keen runner, swimmer, fell walker and cyclist she is pursuing her fourth and fifth degrees. Her voluntary work at a local special school is very important to her.
My Asperger Syndrome
A
nxiety in a changing world leads to
S
tress that I have to surmount
P
erception is the way I view things
E
nergy is what I have in copious amounts
R
ejection is something I know much about!
G
ullible I am to the amusement of others
E
ndurance is my “compensation” for my social ineptness
R
eliable, oh yes – I do what I say!
S
ameness is essential, as I fear change
Y
earning is wishing to join in – perhaps one day!
N
aïve is what I am because I am accepting
D
ifferent I most certainly am!
R
idicule is something I have to deal with
O
stracised because I am different – surely difference is not a crime!
M
isunderstood and very frustrated
E
mpathy - an understanding – so please give me your time!
Eyes
It is the
eyes, which hold the key
They are a real fear for me
Looking into a head is really, what I dread!
Eyes – staring, peering, gaping, judging!
But where to look – how perplexing!
Over the shoulder and far away
Perhaps a view with unfocused eyes
Or a quick little peep – then eyes to the floor
What to do is the question
But where to find a suggestion
People do not understand the predicament of the eyes
Care must be taken when I speak
Never to look at a face, especially the eyes
If I do then what a dilemma
My speech is stammered, garbled and blurred
Words are mixed up – in the wrong order and slurred
Drunken and disordered is how I sound
But no this is
AUTISM – how profound!
Sometimes I have no words
My mind is blank I have to think
What to do is a problem
I search my brain but often in vain
The words don’t appear – as I fear
Feeling a fool, I want to vanish
So stressed and agitated, I stand banished
No one to help – no understanding
So feeling alone, with head bowed
Eyes to the ground
I move forlornly from the crowd
Sad I am and close to tears
I contemplate past years
There must be a way
To break the spell
To let all be well Perhaps, just perhaps one day …………!
