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Norbert.  He's bewildered.  He's befuddled.  He's frightened.  He's flatulent.

 

He's on a quest to seek enlightenment, but he has to stop off at Dunkin' Donuts first.

 

He hitches up his underwear when no one is looking, and toddles along to Cubicle City, dragging a pail lunch and a brick-pak of Hawaiian Punch.

 

He's fighting the corporate system for the return of his soul; he's leaving his pee cup in the wrong window.

 

He's dreaming big dreams, while stuck in a cubicle-infested nightmare.

 

Along with Smelly Larry, Tonia Murkwater, Mr. Babaganoush, Madame Fu-Fu the Tarot Card Reader and Hinkelmeyer the Nerd Shaman, Norbert has high hopes that life will someday be better.  Or at least, a lot less perplexing.

 

Louisa StrongBear is a shaman, poet, clairvoyant medium, teacher, artist and witch, all at the same time, and in no particular order.  She loves chocolate, as was mentioned in her first book, as well as the beach, books, the colors yellow and gold, all kinds of animals, thunderstorms, cemeteries & other spooky stuff, dancing & singing & laughing as often as possible.

 

Louisa is also known as "Louisa the Psychic" and does clairvoyant readings. 

 

The Norbert Chronicles is Louisa's second book.  Her first is: Journey By Night: A Solitary Journey, which is told as a shamanic journey, and does not contain any lard or fart stories.

One fine Cubicle City day, Norbert was summoned, with the rest of the cube workers, into the large conference room.  He was instructed, with the rest of the cube workers, to implant his butt into one of the specially-designed butt-compressing plastic chairs, made especially for Cube City cube workers to implant their butts into, when attending yet another tedious and exhausting Cubicle City meeting in the large conference room of Cubicle City.

 

Ignoring his butt's many protests, Norbert tried to remain solemn, and to appear interested in the proceedings, which were about to follow, after the meeting began, and before he would be released from his plastic butt-compressor.

 

As the molecules in Norbert's butt began to compress on their own, having been exposed to this particular brand of Cubicle City torture many times before, and Norbert tried not to fidget, an Important Manager, with a pointing stick, entered the room, to begin pointing at the screen up on the wall.  The screen on the wall had many confusing words and symbols that Norbert could not concentrate upon, because his butt began to feel like novacaine had been injected into each cheek, and this was a very unpleasant feeling, as far as Norbert was concerned.

 

Norbert worried that his butt cells might never regain consciousness, and might stay asleep forever.  Norbert worried that his butt might stay in the square shape of the butt-compressor, and remain that way for the rest of his days.  Norbert thought about slapping his own butt, in order to awaken his butt cells, but that might look like he was spanking himself, and Norbert did not want the others to envy him for having a good time, in the otherwise tediously boring and exhausting Cubicle City meeting.

 

Norbert attempted to concentrate on what it was that the pointer was pointing to, and heard the Important Manager droning on.

 

"And with the new "Sisyphus Ten-Thousand" software developed especially for Cubicle City, we wil be able to add all kinds of procedures to our tasks, with additional icons, and more files, and added steps to complete within each procedure, and added procedures for each task, and new ways to do the exact same thing we did before, but with added steps, and alternate steps, and dozens of more choices to attempt to accomplish precisely what we have been doing all along!!"

 

The Important Manager looked gleeful.

 

Norbert felt nauseous.

 

And his butt had lost all feeling.

 

The Important Manager continued to drone on.

 

"The New Sisyphus Ten-Thousand is an advanced version of the Sisyphus Two-Thousand we were using previously.  You will all be trained on the new programs you will be working on, the "Boulder 1,2,3, 4,5,6, and 7,8,9" which will be accessed through the tiny little boulder-shaped icons on your desktop, and the patented "Odyssey Five-Thousand" which will help you navigate the various boulder programs, within the Sisyphus Ten-Thousand office software we have installed.

 

"Now if you pull down your 'Help' menu, you will see your little helper.  See the tiny Greek God in the loincloth?  He will direct you throughout the program, with any questions you might have."

 

A hand went up in the audience.

 

"Mr. Podquist, will this make our work easier?"

 

"Easier, schmeasier!!  This new program has all kinds of interesting ways to tackle the same projects you have been working on all along.  We have added menus, added windows, added toolbars, and added little helpers associated with each task--did you see the dancing harem girls?"

 

"Those are sirens, Albert," piped up an Important Manager sitting in the back. "It's our Greek theme, remember?"

 

"Oh, ahem, that's correct, Milford. Er, but as I was saying, the new "Sisypus --"

 

"Sisy-PHUS, Al!"

 

"Er, right, the new SisyFUSS software package is the result of countless hours spent in deep discussion, and numerous cocktails consumed at endless expense-account luncheons in dozens of glamorous restaurants--"

 

"The point, Albert."

 

"Er, right, Milford.  But ya know, we're just so gosh-darned excited about the new --uh -- Sisyphus Software, I just can't say enough about it!  Why, with all these extra icons and pull-down menus and helpers, there's just no telling how much time we can waste -- er -- spend -- I mean save, SAVE, of course -- finding creative new ways to do exactly what we've done before!"

 

Nobert wondered how long this inane meeting would continue.  He also wondered why the company needed extra new ways to work on Cubicle City documents, and if harem girls were really necessary.  Make that sirens.