A Father’s Grief is a personally moving account of a man’s journey through one of the most difficult losses anyone can experience, the death of a child. It combines both self-help techniques and universal inspirational touchstones, woven together in an intimate exploration of deeper universal human issues. As a grief manual, it offers ways to renewed hope, faith, and love after this life-shattering event. It will assist anyone dealing with the death of their child, or any loved one, to move through the aftermath of the experience, offering sensitive, common sense approaches to rebuilding one’s life and sense of well-being.

This book is unique in that it is a personal guide to dealing with different aspects of the grief process. Using his personal history and insights from his many years of experience, both therapeutic and interactive, the author guides the reader through the various forms of pain, confusion, anger and disorientation he encountered, and gently and compassionately offers ways to move beyond the shock and despair into a renewed life and purpose.

Among the areas explored are the qualities of deep grief, short-term and long-term healing stages and practices, common themes in the healing process, and healing rituals. A unique part of this work is the chapter on the male mode of grief, helping men resolve and heal their wounds in ways that honor their child, and assisting them in staying open emotionally, to have deeper and more compassionate relationships.

Robert Wilkinson is an internationally known author, inspirational speaker, futurist, metaphysician, and spiritual counselor. Besides his numerous public talks, he has also produced or been the guest on many television and radio shows, as well as cultural events and conferences. His life practice blends many Eastern and Western Wisdom traditions, yielding innovative and practical solutions to the challenges of life in the 21^st century.

He has stated, "By our ability to explore our life and its cycles, it is possible to understand our personal archetypes, know our wounds and their significance, and increase our effectiveness in daily life by using our points of difficulty to overcome our attachments to the sources of suffering. Through decades of study, observation, and personal experience, I understand the significance of an individual’s challenges and triumphs within their society and culture. This has led me to explore personal and cultural archetypes and the nature of the symbolic life, healthy modes of closure and grief, and spiritual approaches that will assist us in navigating the changes. I have applied my observations in the numerous cultural events that I’ve produced, including the one videotaped by Bill Moyers, A Gathering of Men with Robert Bly, first broadcast on PBS in 1990, generating a record viewer response."

During the first 24 hours after a loss, the mind is reeling, searching for some signal missed or misinterpreted, something that could have or should have been seen or done to prevent the death. Try to remember that if you had foreknowledge, you would have done everything in your power to prevent the death of your child. You may even feel like you could have somehow changed the outcome. Don’t be hard on yourself for being a human being. It is not fair to blame yourself after the fact for whatever happened.

Guilt may come up over what was done, what was not done, and whether anything that was done during the life of the child was really good enough. Stop analyzing. Release it. "If only..." never works because you cannot change the past. You can only get on with the rest of your life, as best you can, one day at a time. Get whatever help you need in order to get through the immediate transition period. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.

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Courageously embrace your healing process. Everyone has his or her own pace, and each must face grief in their own way. Each who grieves is utterly alone in their sorrow but shares the experience with millions. Grieving is allowing grief in, "knowing it," feeling it. It is more than just feeling sad; it includes emotions you did not even know you had.

Tears are not embarrassing; turning away in shame is. Forms of shame and humiliation are often experienced when your child dies. It feels horrible, but by moving through and growing beyond these unhelpful feelings, a knowledge of life and self comes that can never be taken away. Death certainly puts all your other shaming and humiliating experiences in a different perspective; death has made what is truly valuable more real to me and made many other things meaningless.

Your healing must be sought, honestly and sincerely -- then it will come, in its own time, often unexpectedly, and in strange and mysterious ways. Have faith in the healing power of love, of God and your Soul. It will reveal itself in many ways, through the rest of your life. Sometimes you will know you have healed when you have moments of cheerfulness that are natural, spontaneous and not forced. In your process sometimes choices must be made and cannot be postponed, except at your own peril. It is all part of the mystery of redeeming your heart’s love and strength. If you run from your grief, it will crush you, or force you to shut down in some way. It is better to face it courageously, doing the best you can.

Allow your feelings to flow, non-violently, gently, and as lovingly as you can. These deep feelings have been with you throughout your life and will continue to be there, more accessible than before, from now on. Even now, after years, I occasionally experience tremendously deep feelings about Blyth and other departed loved ones. It can still be pretty intense -- which indicates to me that love is alive.

This ever present, ever-renewing love has been the sustaining force in rebuilding my life. Love has gradually led me to a greater hope, and hope has opened me to a greater love. One can find love and hope and life after one’s child dies. It is the power of these that have made my life worth living anew, moving me toward an ever-widening unconditional love greater than anything I ever knew before. I believe that you too can find this love, if you persevere.