Never Mind the Bullocks
A Twenty-First Century Exploration of the Torah for bar-/bat-mitzvah Students
by
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‘And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of the Exodus – or should I say, one alternative version of it. In the end, we live in a free society and no one can tell us what we have to believe. So you’re free to choose whether you want to believe in a God who behaves like the one in the book of Exodus – rescuing a group of people he likes and punishing the group of people he doesn’t like because they were cruel to them – and seriously messing around with nature in the process. Or you can believe that a frightened group of slaves suddenly saw an opportunity to get themselves and their families out of slavery because of the chaos that is caused by a natural event – a volcanic eruption. Somehow they found the courage to run away – and they found freedom as a result. Where does God fit into that? Maybe God works in human life by giving us courage to take advantage of such situations. I know which God I believe in, I know which one works for me. You make your choice – that’s what this bar-/bat-mitzvah thing is really all about.’
There was a pause and I added a final thought. ‘I always get myself into trouble when I tell this version of the story – it’s like people think I’m trying to disprove it. But I’m not, I’m really not. What I’m doing is rescuing it from being something improbable and frankly unbelievable and making it possible. When I was the same age as you guys, I walked away from Judaism because my rabbi – an Orthodox rabbi – insisted that I had to believe that what was described in the Torah really happened. And I couldn’t get my head round a God who behaves with such cruelty. But this version works for me: it’s about a people – my people – taking advantage of some extraordinary happenings to free themselves from slavery – and then build a whole religion based on the concept that God wants us to have freedom and justice. And that’s why the twelve-year-old me who didn’t believe what was written in the Torah is teaching you about it as a rabbi now.’
‘Awesome, man!’ said Eric. I wasn’t sure if it was to Josh or to me. Darren actually clapped twice before stopping, realising that maybe that wasn’t an appropriate response.
‘Way to go, Rabbi,’ said Jess, rising to her feet. Or maybe she said ‘I have to go, Rabbi,’ as she had seen one of her friends walk past and figured it was okay to leave. Well, I was done. Almost …
‘One last thing,’ I said. ‘We know that the people leaving Egypt would have been able to see the volcano on the horizon as they left. Anyone know how the bible describes how God led them through the wilderness?’
‘A pillar of fire,’ Darren began, then faded out.
‘By night,’ I continued, ‘and –‘
‘– a pillar of cloud by day,’ concluded Alison.
I smiled to my little group as if to say ‘you choose’ as they gathered their folders and headed thoughtfully to their cabins.
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About the Book
'Never Mind the Bullocks' is a book that works on several levels. It centres on a group of twelve year-old children at a Jewish summer camp who are obliged to give up their free time to prepare for their bar- or bat-mitzvah ceremonies. Their teacher, who is also the author, is an English rabbi who offers them an alternative way of looking at the Torah, the first Five Books of Moses, encouraging the students - and all readers - to reconsider the possible authorship of this document and its authors' intentions. Each of the eleven lessons, is preceded by a mysterious encounter in the form of an imaginary dialogue between the author and the prophet Isaiah, whose historical insights and prophetic wisdom help the reader to question and challenge the traditional view of the origins of Judaism's sacred text and to gain an insight into the historical, social and theological background from which the Torah emerged.
In the book, the children ask the questions that, perhaps, everyone has wanted to ask about traditional religious texts and their associated practices. The ‘bullocks’ of the title are a specific reference to the biblical practice of animal sacrifice, but are also a general metaphor for any religious text or practice that appears to mask the prophetic – and divine – demand for goodness and justice. The approach to these texts and practices is challenging, encouraging readers of any persuasion to look at the basis of their religious tradition and seek ways to apply it to the modern world.
‘Never Mind the Bullocks’ is a bar-/bat-mitzvah course, a provocative discourse on the origins of religion and religious texts and a light-hearted tale of a group of twelve year-olds learning about their heritage in an unconventional way that provides food for thought for all ages.
About the Author
Rabbi Pete Tobias is well-known as a Pause for Thought presenter on BBC Radio 2's 'Wake up to Wogan' show as well as other radio appearances, including ‘Good Morning Sunday’ with Aled Jones. He has been rabbi of The Liberal Synagogue Elstree since 2003, having previously served congregations in Glasgow and Birmingham. A former primary school teacher who also spent 17 summers at Liberal Judaism's Kadimah Summer School, Pete trained for the rabbinate at the Leo Baeck College in London and was ordained in 1990. He is the author of 'Liberal Judaism: A Judaism for the Twenty-First Century' (2007), several educational programmes and occasional articles for newspapers, including the Guardian and the Jewish Chronicle. Pete is a lifelong supporter of Watford Football Club.