Sweet Water

I sat by the river’s edge and thought about how I didn’t like being so close to the water, but I liked the fresh air. I felt that it was very peaceful once you got used to it. I also like looking at my reflection in the water, and thought about how I see myself as abstract art looking back. I never did like how I looked in a mirror, so I didn’t expect myself to look any better in the river. I just knew that I was a girl with what they call “androgynous features”. If I threw on a plaid button down shirt some jeans and a jacket, then people would think that I was him and not me. Even still, I haven’t been my female self in so long that it takes a shower to realize that I can’t always be him. Even if I like being him and he likes being me, I know that at the end of the day, I’m going to be her. Until I can accept that I am her, I will stay him, because I know that being him means that I get to see the girl across the river. In fact, she’s the reason I even leave my dorm at five in the morning. I just know that she gets me out of my bed in the morning so that I could see her practicing her songs before everyone else. I didn’t know her personally,or even her name ...I just knew that we both go to SweetWater University. I see her from time to time and I give her awkward smiles, and she winks when she looks at me. I take that as an invite to keep looking at her from across the river where she goes to sing, and wait for the café to open. That is where she will go to stare at the menu that has the same thing on it almost every day, and order a small black coffee with extra sugar and a croissant with ham and cheese on it. She will then go sit at a table near a window, and stare blankly out.