The Fire of Karma

My little one, I will tell you a sad story which happened just before you were born. Your mother wanted to bring you into this world because after the Initiation she had received in Bombay, from her Master, into the subtle world of Meditation, she had the revelation of her grandmother begging from her a new life, a better one. When your father heard about it, he was not happy at all. - How could you get pregnant? Why didn’t you take precaution measures before it happened? As for me, I always take something not to be so powerful... Get rid of it as soon as possible, and... We will think about our future together... I knew he said so because he did not want any responsibility of this type, not otherwise. He had a sentimental affair with me, but... no children, he always warned me. How to kill that life which began to blossom inside my womb? Of course, thousands of abortions are made every day and almost all women are doing it, but everyone who believes in reincarnation about their future lives! After this bitter discussion, I wrote to my Master and Lord about my sin, and He replied I had transgressed a vow taken at the time of Initiation and the only way to get it achieved is to ask for forgiveness through Meditation. I told Nadan that I really could not do it! - I will tell you a secret... he replied. I am a heart patient...If I die what will you do? A few days later, he told me I had to move from that guesthouse whose manager he was, to an apartment with all facilities. It would be good for me, because I was in a special condition and, besides, the guesthouse would be overcrowded because of Mother’s birthday. Mother was the spiritual patron of that town’s Ashram. I agreed dearly because I trusted and loved him. - You also have to accept with you one servant with her child, because she is very poor, just on humanitarian basis... he smiled at me. Once again, I agreed with him. Anyway, I thought I was his only beloved... He had a serious face during the day, rushing here and there to treat patients... Only one thing struck me the most: a short woman, with a nice body, a pretty one, used to come and go every day, to see him, and I had to admit she was also his beloved, although I had great difficulties in doing so. How many times didn’t I cry out of jealousy! I further on noticed that one girl servant in this guesthouse began to bring him flowers too, after a few days of employment. One of the guests, an old man from Bombay, told me, that when he had complaint to the manager this girl was stealing, Nadan told him the servant was a virgin one. I should have run away, leaving his sleepery world back, but I could not. I felt frustrated because until that age of 26, no man had told me honestly he wanted to marry me...So, I decided, after crying a lot to belong to him with all that I was... I had my past pain, love and revenge on that love in which I put all my heart, receiving in return only suffering. I ought to learn my lesson from the past experiences, not to fall in love again. But you can not command to your heart. If an Indian girl is married to a westerner, she is like blooming flowers on a spring camp. But if an Indian man marries a foreigner, in most cases, makes up a piece of cloth out of her. Once, I went to Delhi to meet my Master. The spiritual meetings lasted several days. The foreigners bought their hotel rooms, and until then, went shopping in bazaars. In Palika Bazar, while looking at shop windows, I met a tiny Indian, owner of a silverware, about my age and with an open mind. His name was Ganesh. We decided together that afternoon to go to a cinema to see a movie. Said and done. As there was plenty of time until then, he told me: "Look, I can tie a hair and then untie it ... " "I don’t believe it ..." I replied. "Yes ...Watch mel!" And he began to hit his fist against the hair after he anointed it with a little saliva.I got closer to see the miracle but I found myself tapped on the shoulder by a policeman. Both of us, we had to climb in the car to go to the police station. Around us gathered a lot of people and one of them pinched my shoulder like I was a whore. Above all, I had come to see a Saint and was considered a tramp. It seems that the sequence of my humiliation was just beginning. Ganesh gave them two hundred rupees and thus shut their mouth. After that I never met him, although nobody was responsible for this episode. Although I knew how women are treated in India, though I fell in love blindly. I was a Romanian physically disabled girl, who managed somehow to come out of that hell of communist censure settled in her country, and go far away, to India, unwilling to return back, determined to do yoga for her sake. It was pretty outrageous to travel alone throughout India, although many Indians whom I met in my wanderings, believed I was an intelligent, even a Glorious lady from Romania, who travelled all alone. I was friendly and I allways had a smilling face and yet, as all these were not enough, infatuated myself with a modern brahmacharrian man... He would have been a saint, indeed if he hadn’t met in his life’s pathway ghandharvas to disturb him from his meditation lifestyle... Initially, the Ashram was a holly place of Meditation, but after its spiritual patrons died, it became a decayed paradise of pleasures and business. What determined me to think I was wrong in my suppositions, was that every time I tortured my mind that way, I always got a fever. Never the less, that woman made me furious due to her insistent knockings at his door... I hated her the most... The day I had to move from his guesthouse, morning time, when, as usual, I did Yoga asanas on the roof of the house, thinking of that sweet night of love that we had together, I heard his voice at the backside. I turned my head and...No, it was not possible! He walked towards me with that woman by his side. - I am introducing to you this girl who has a child... She wants to stay with you and help you... However, she did not raise a finger to do so, that one month and a half we lived together... The truth was that she had no money to survive in that little Indian town, although she worked for a miserable salary of three hundred rupees per month, and for this reason, my lover had put us together, to save some money... Due to my abroad friends, I could manage to have a quiet and comfortable life in India, which means I did not live in cow dung huts or begging in the street... Moreover, he helped her on my expenses... Not a single paisa did Nadan spend on my account, although I was going to be the mother of his child... - Her name is Laxmi... She will help you with the luggage... I have spoken, he continued on the same tone, with Kanchan Ben, the woman owner of the apartment, and she told me you could move there any time... I doubted more and more of his words, even from the first day of my moving. She had a daughter of 12, Chinni was her name. They spoke of Nadan all the time and cleaned only because he could come and see their handwork. He came that first day, late in the evening, and spent with us only a few minutes of his precious time. I exchanged a few words with him, while Laxmi washed something in the kitchen, and I could see through its open door, her black and big eyes, like those of an enamoured cow, following my spoken words, and I have seen in them a hell of jealousy... When she came closer, I observed their physiognomies resembled to each other. I had a mournful breakdown: “If Chini is also his child?” When he went out, accompanied by her to the gates, I asked Chinni: - How did you come to know Nadan?