The Beatles Generation

It had been so real. He had experienced the emotions, the uncertainties, the lack of self-confidence that he had felt over 30 years ago, and yet he lay there, exhilarated at having experienced those times again. To travel back in time may be a subject of science fiction, he mused, but it is possible to experience at least the sensation, when the sub and un-conscious interlace in the way that they had just done for him. This was not his first experience of dreams of schooldays recently, although none had been as vivid as this; he felt that he had actually been there this time, not just an ethereal observer looking in through a window in time. It wasn’t surprising really. For many years he had wondered what had happened to his friends from school, and regretted losing touch with them, but he understood why and did not recriminate himself for this. He had been one of the first of the old crowd to get married, and as a result the whole focus of his life changed. In fact, he started to see much less of them as soon as he had started courting Linda. He had met her at work and she was not part of that old school scene. Looking back, he thought of how they had drifted along and fulfilled the lifestyle that had been expected of them by their parents, which in turn was one that had been expected of them by their own parents back in the forties and fifties. Although the Sixties heralded a period of social change, the bastions of convention had not been penetrated sufficiently to affect the social expectancy that had been laid upon Linda and Colin by their families. They had married and moved away, negotiated the requisite mortgage, enjoyed the benefits of good jobs, a nice car, a comfortable lifestyle, and their families were proud, but disappointingly the 2.4 children had never arrived. Linda had been a successful solicitor and Colin had been equally successful running a small photographic business although there had been a substantial financial disparity in Linda’s favour. Theirs had been a comfortable existence, but although they had discussed having a family, Linda had always felt the time was not right. So they had continued to drift along through their twenties and thirties, neither of them consciously aware of the estrangement. By the time they both hit forty, Colin had more or less accepted that he would never be a father, although they had never actually discussed this to a conclusion. It was hard for him to imagine that in nearly twenty years of marriage that their relationship could really have stagnated to this level. There was no passion. No fights, no squabbles….no love….just an everyday existence where they took each other for granted. Then one day, ten years ago, Colin had come home from work and Linda was gone, leaving only a vague note of apology and none of her belongings. Her mobile phone was constantly switched off. He left numerous messages but she didn’t return his calls, and he stopped trying after a couple of weeks. He contacted her place of work, but the only light they could shed on the matter was that she had handed in her notice with immediate effect and had walked out on them also, as did one of the junior partners. They were rather embarrassed about the whole affair, in the literal sense, and felt responsible in some way. Well at least he now knew why she had left, and with whom. It must have been going on for some time he had thought, but he hadn’t a clue as to how long. She had phoned after about two months from a pay phone to say sorry, and to try and explain that it was something she had no control over, it just happened. Almost as an afterthought she asked him how he was coping. The very use of the word coping was an admission in itself that she thought he would have been deeply affected by her leaving. How the bloody Hell do you think I am coping? My wife walks out and leaves me after 20 years, how do you think I am coping? She said sorry again and hung up, leaving him to his anger and frustration. It had taken a long period of adjustment and a change in life style, but just when he was coming to terms with his new existence she suddenly turned up one day to ask for a divorce. He lay there thinking of how she had looked. Not since they had first met had she looked so alive. Had they really drifted so far apart without him noticing? She had changed; fresh hairstyle, different make up, a new woman in fact. But what hurt; what had really bloody hurt was that she was six months pregnant. That had been eight years ago now, and it had taken him longer to get over this than when she had originally walked out; he had learnt to accept, but he could never forgive the fact that she had denied him a family of his own. Now he was angry with himself for wallowing in self-pity and overpowering the feeling of youthful exhilaration with which he had awoken; besides things were different now. He lifted his head to see the time on the green digital display of the bedside clock. It was still early and dark, so he pulled the bedclothes up under his chin and snuggled down into the warmth.