Paradise Lost
by
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Judith opened the door of her flat and checked the knives, they were still there, her father hadn't moved them or discovered them. they were still there whare she had left them. She brought in the paints and the brushes from the jeep, placing them in her studio. How long she wondered would it be? When she thought about her mother there would be this dread . What would happen when Claude found out? She was annoyed with herself for feeling this way after such alife affirming week. Yet these thoughts were never far away. dreams and memories merged days spent in cupboards, blood soaked bathrooms clearing up the red congealed mess that resulted from her head long descent through mirrors or downstairs. these images invaded her mind like maggots. Maggots of the mind, In an attempt to block them out , she walked into her bedroom and found some paper. she drew Claude with her pencil. As the figure emerged she felt afraid. claude wouldn't want her once he knew the truth. She placed the paper into the back of the drawer, so that it couldn't be seen by anyone. Outside she brought in more things from 'the jeep', tubs and tubs of paint and many things which she could not find at home, olive oil soap from Provence and bags of lavender from the fields where Van Gogh and she had painted.french sheets from an old market town close to Arles. White sheets went well with shrouds, her nightdressses always reached the floor. she wouldn't have it any other way. There was a sense of unease that she could not dislodge. Why oh why had Claude insisted they return to London. they could have run away and lived in a garret like Van Gogh and Gaugain, her father would have prevented stravation. She knew that.Her needs were simple, she could live or so she believed on very little. No matter how many times she'd pleaded with him Claude insisted on returning to London. All she wanted was to be lost with him in London or anywhere she suggested Paris but he was insistant that they return to London. This was where he wanted to be this was where he belonged nothing she could say or do could dislodge this feeling . Yet she understood it, envied it even but for her such a feeling of belonging was unimaginable. Swans on the pond and people muzzling together for warmth on cold winter days had been a feature of her life and his underground trains and bright red buses, but their connections were so different. Joy and love which now pervaded every step could be replaced by something else entirely.In France Judith had discovered something that she could not lose, this realisation frightened her. She thought of ways of keeping her secret, Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre entered her thoughts, remebering clearly how he had tried to keep the secret of his mad wife from Jane Eyre. She too could pretend that her mother did not exist and that she was dead.She could tell Claude that she had died of cancer. Would her Father go along with this? She thought of phoning him. Was there anything he wouldn't do for her?She asked herself this question over and over again. The phone calls would have to stop right now.No more custodial sentences, no more visits to horrible prisons or rehabilitation units. It had to end this judith knew, she also knew that if she threw away her phone her mother would simply get a taxi and come over. Claude might be there. France had been so gorgeous. She'd never been happpier or more loved. She'd never be so happy again: ' Why couldn't we have stayed for ever? She'd never have found us. I'd have escaped for ever from her chaos, her drunken destruction. Here I'm caught in a web.'
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About the Book
This book is set in the present day. It takes place in London and Southern France. There are two central characters, Judith and Annabel. Judith is a young artist who meets and falls in love with Claude, who is doing his doctorate on the painter Vincent van Gogh and the causes of his mental disintegration, which led eventually to his suicide. Judith's mother is an alcoholic. Annabel is a financial advisor to the NHS. Her job is deficit reduction within the hospital trusts. These two diverse characters are drawn into a complex relationship, which is not of their making, and for much of the story, they are unaware of the threads that bind them. These threads slowly tighten and strengthen until they are inexorably bound together. Dark, sensuous, original, here is an unflinching exploration of the devastating effects of neglect and addiction, but also of the the extreme pleasures of art. 'Extraordinary devestating, and haunting. This is about the journey to the end of night which is where the those who dwell in the world of addiction live'. Lyn
About the Author
Mollie is a health advisor. She has experienced the world of addiction from a personal and professional perspective. She is a psychiatric advisor and has worked both at the Maudsley hospital, where she trained, and at the Priory hospital, where she ran addiction groups both for alcoholics and their families. Mollie's parents both committed suicide when she was a child. It is both her work and her past that has motivated her to write this novel.